Friday 30 August 2013

Gulls Gone Wild


Herring Gull (Larus argentatus). I feel duly obliged to report the strange behaviour of seagulls this summer. The Royal Mail down in Cornwall have suspended a round due to persistent seagull attack and the other week I noticed a story on the BBC about a woman in Kent who has taken to wearing a collander on her head in order to prevent injury from large dive bombing flocks . Now, I  have always been led to believe gulls will flock come into land when conditions on the coast are stormy but this year they don't seem to be anywhere close to the sea. Here at Ashford Strand you'd be hard pressed to see a gull but the other night I was up at Sticklepath and there were a giant flock in the sky circling and diving screeching soon to be joined by many others. I was thinking that this must be a portent for something as such unusual behaviour amoungst species has always over milennia been taken as a sign of foreboding. I must say the other other evening their dark shapes and infernal squawking framed against the back drop of  heavy thunderous skies, humidity and the clouds enveloping Codden Hill in a languoruous grey mist while a low setting sun in the clear skies out to sea gave Western fringe a haunting pink hue, put me in mind that the end days are upon us. At last! I wasn't a great mood due to having lost my library card. This rather apocalyptic outlook was compounded by an article in NDJ that claimed 150 dead gulls have been found floating on Whislandpound Reservoir. South West Water assured the public that this number of corpses would not be a sufficient amount to taint the drinking water supply. A load of feathers coming through the tap. Mind you knowing SWW they'd try and stick a surcharge on it if they could, an extra £10 a month to cover getting feathers out of the filters. If you are down that way you can't fail but notice that the pitched roofs of Pottington Industrial Estate are also flecked with the bodies of dead birds. Outside Co-Op the road is littered with the squashed carcasses of birds that have been run over.  Strangely, there seemed to be a marked increase in the distribution of feathers in and around the Chelsea Quilt Factory. The grass verge outside looked like the old crows who congregate out there during fag breaks had had a ginormous pillow fight. I hope they haven't been scooping them up and slipping them into in their 10 tog duvets. The end days are upon us. Of course, if you were marooned out at sea in a leaky old boat you'd be glad to see gulls as they are a sign of land ahoy plus you could trap them with your last morsel of dry bread and eat them just as they did in the book Survive the Savage Sea. So it's not all bad.

Sam the seagull pilfering Doritos
Sam knows what he likes and how to get it!

Fortunately, before I headed for the hills and made for the bolt hole, Science has lent some clarification to the phenomena. Apparently, it's all to do with a change of diet. The gulls have been tempted inland by flying ants which are evidently more appetising than Ilfracombe Pier fish and chips. Although I did see one gull outside the library attempting to snaffel a small girl's KFC and I don't know what was worse the girl screaming at the seagull or the seagull screeching or the mother mother squawking "Oh I swear to god your doing my head it it's only a bloody seagull"!
I do recall in the dredging days not being best pleased when heading out over the bar with a nice leeky pie that mother made me hungrily sitting down on deck to eat it and no sooner than I had got it out of me bag a bleddy great gull swooped down and took the lot, grease proof paper and all.
However, these responses to a pesky gull could be considered measured compared to the one instigated by a small boy on Woolacombe beach who responded to one unfortunate bird's greedy intentions upon his lunch by beating it to death with a stick. What a lovely little chap he must be. Potential serial killer some might say! Apparently, before horrified onlookers his family hastily gathered up the juvenile aviancidal maniac and slunk off in a Ford Focus. Anyway, these flying ants contain formic acid which makes the seagull drunkenly dozy hence their flopping about in the road and drowning in reservoirs and despite the fact that they are very intelligent creatures they can't get enough of them. Sounds familiar.
Seagulls! Seagulls!
I've always thought the seagull an odd sort of bird and tend to think of it as a relatively new species. You don't see seagulls on ancient coins, neither in frescos nor in heraldry. Infact, Brighton and Hove Albion FC, 'The Seagulls' are the only institution, municipality etc. I know that holds them in high regard and considers them emblematic. Also despite their ubiquity  throughout the world they don't have a great profile in arts and culture. I suppose there is The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, but that was an albatross; technically not a gull and of course The Seagull by Chekov. If I remember rightly,  after helping out with lights in a production of the play at the New Theatre up at the Tech directed by Chester Lovering a few years ago now, the titular bird is shot dead by a moody suicidal playwright and offered up as some sort of love token. It then gets stuffed. Russian symbolism I was told by one of the cast. Discussing the matter down at The Reform Annie Cawood fell into an eighties reverie after adding the band A Flock of Seagulls to the mix and Wes Twardo put forward the book Jonathan Livingstone Seagull of which he is a great fan. Eagerly telling us that this piece of literature has given the world the maxim "If you love someone set them free". Now, I've heard that one a few times over the years not least that bloody Sting song.
A Flock of Seagulls
To my mind, feral ones flapping in wheelie bins apart, you only have a look closely at the herring gull and watch it's movements for a while to realise that they really are quite beautiful creatures, just as cute as a duck and as smart as a Collie.. The fledglings are a bit gawky but an adult perched upon a post, standing sentinel, say on Appledore Quay is a beautiful thing to behold and truly emblematic of our part of the world.